Home > health, history, Philosophy, Survival > Piggy Swine Flu and The Dreaded Lurgi

Piggy Swine Flu and The Dreaded Lurgi

Spike Milligan, Harry Seacombe, Peter Sellers

Conspiracy Theorists: Spike Milligan, Harry Seacombe, Peter Sellers

You dirty rotten swine flu!

It’s not even been a week and the Swine Flu epidemic/pandemic hysteria has already taken an unbelievable hold in the minds of people everywhere, from Mexico City, New Jersey and New York to London, Paris and Calcutta. The BBC reports:

“Containment is not a feasible operation” – Dr. Keiji Fukuda (WHO)

So now it’s time for everyone to run under a rock until the Dreaded Lurgi passes, because, of course, we’re all gonna die! Just over many many years and not all at once (but why spoil a good story with the truth). What is amazing is that a virus can affect people who have never been in contact with it, as Spike Milligan so cleverly observed:

Moriarty: …And now, my friend, to business. My name is Count Moriarty. Have you ever heard of Lurgi?
Seagoon: There’s no one of that name here
Moriarty: Sacristi Bombet! Listen to me while I tell you a tale. In 1296 on the Isle of Ewe
Seagoon: Where?
Moriarty: Isle of Ewe
Seagoon: I love you, too. Shall we dance?
Moriarty: I don’t wish to know that. On the Isle of Ewe the dreaded Lurgi struck. In six weeks, in cinq weeks mark you, Lurgi had destroyed {Silence Please} Lurgi had destroyed the entire population.
Seagoon: What a splendid story
Moriarty: Oui
Seagoon: Have you heard the story about the man who didn’t marry Rita Hayworth
Moriarty: Impossible
Seagoon {Snigger}
Moriarty: As I was saying, Lurgi, Lurgi could easily destroy the entire human race.
Eccles: Then I’m okay, fellers.

In the above quoted episode of the Goon Show, the Dreaded Lurgi strikes Britain, but, mysteriously, it was observed that none of the victims played in a brass band. Needless to say, the British parliament was advised that four million E Flat trombones, three million Euphoniums, and four million Saxophones…in all, fifty million brass band instruments should be purchased at once in order to save the nation. The thing was, though, that Count Moriarty just happened to be a brass instrument dealer and was ready to take orders in bulk. Soon enough, thousands of aircraft were in the air delivering vital instruments to Great Britain. In the end, however, it was revealed that there was no such thing as the Dreaded Lurgi.

Sadly, the World is not an episode of The Goon Show, but merely a cheap imitation. Swine Flu exists, of course, but it hasn’t reached Spanish Flu proportions yet, and it isn’t 1918 either. A vaccine against the organism is not yet available, but in a panic, the authorities will hand over samples of the virus to any company that claims it can come up with one. Baxter pharmaceuticals put their hand up first, claiming that they can achieve a result in as brief a period as two weeks. We’ll see who gets the contract.

Economic effects of even a sniff of a pandemic can be astronomical. It’s said that SARS (which was very much a Dreaded Lurgi that never eventuated) cost the Asian economy $40 Billion. Estimates of the cost of Swine Flu are given as $3 Trillion worldwide. That is $3,000,000,000,000.00 (about 8 Sydneys). Of course, it won’t really cost that much money, because at that point money is a meaningless measure of anything, even economies themselves.

The direct effects of the virus (perhaps in numbers of deaths) are likely to be much smaller per head of population than Spanish Flu, which was estimated to have affected 20% of individuals worldwide, with a mortality of 3% of the world’s population. India’s population sustained a loss of 5%. In Fiji, 14% died. In Australia, only 12,000 died. These are interesting statistics, and they reflect the underlying health of nations at the time. However, a worst case scenario of, say, 5% deaths globally from Swine Flu means a staggering figure of 300 million deaths (most of them in second and third world countries). That ought to make the depopulationists happy.

A bit of a Google search (just for fun) of Spanish Flu reveals hundreds of websites and blogs which claim that it was man-made, and there is a long history of distrust of (forced) vaccination programmes. Even stronger is the suspicion now that the Swine Flu could have also been non-accidental. Spanish Flu has been intensely studied recently, with attempts to recover its RNA, and claims of success in 2005. Since Swine Flu contains elements in common with the Spanish Flu virus, there is fertile ground for sensationalism and suspicion. Stranger things have happened in history, so the possibility of foul play cannot be ruled out. Sorry about the irresistible SARS pun, by the way.

So, as the death toll rises, as the fear spreads and the international flights get canceled, let’s pause for a moment to think about our own mortality. And then let us also pause and realize that the chance of dying of Swine Flu in Australia is at worst around 2 in a thousand (probably much less), given a full-blown epidemic, much less than the underlying death rate. Not as exciting as it could be, is it?

Never the less, if Swine Flu inspires people to think of how short life really is, that they should make friends with their Maker, go to Mass, go to Confession and be nice for a change, then at least something good might come of all this. Life is short. Hell is forever. Maybe that is why people are so worried.

See also: Swine Flu Got Legs

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  1. April 28, 2009 at 3:35 am

    Check out this cartoon about swine flu!
    http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/2009/04/cartoon-swine-flu.html
    *CARTOON*
    Feel free to post on your blog or “tweet”

  2. July 20, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    interesting material, where such topics do you find? I will often go

  3. August 31, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    I must say I though the whole swine flu story was a little overdone at first, but it is still hanging around and is a bit of a worry. Nothing like the Spanish Flu of 1918 of course. Funny how most people have forgotten about the Spanish Flu…you would think it would be one of the events of the 20th century etched in peoples minds.

  4. October 15, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂

    – Marc Shaw

  5. December 12, 2009 at 4:48 am

    Authentic words, some unadulterated words dude. Thx for makin my day!!

  6. January 4, 2010 at 2:21 am

    Thanx for the infos.

  1. May 13, 2009 at 3:32 am

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